"One week from today is July 27 and I'll be 30 on that day. Damn, 30. I never thought I'd have an issue with turning 30. I very distinctly remember being in high school and watching the episode of Northern Exposure where Maggie freaks the hell out about turning 30. I thought that was so stupid. So it came as quite a shock back in the spring when a serious turning 30 depression hit me upside the head. It was an attack on two fronts, first there was the mild-ish case of "ohmygod I'm going to die someday! I'm 30, I'm nearly middle age, death is right around the corner." Then there was the deeper, more serious case of "You loser. You're almost 30 years old and you've accomplished nothing. You've wasted your intellect, your talents, your time. If you'd have figured a lot of shit out sooner you'd be in a lot better position as you turn 30, artistically and professionally." That weighed very heavily on my mind for the better part of the spring and the summer."

The depression took a heavy toll. I wasn't out shooting as much and I completely neglected Exposure and Consuming Indy, two projects that I really do love and was very excited about. I looked at it all of it with a "what's the point?" attitude that I deeply regret now. It sucks that I spent most of the spring and summer being whiny and depressed but I guess it's what I needed.

It's better now, I'm better now. I came to the realization that knowing at 29 what you'd really like to do professionally isn't so horrible. By figuring it out at 28 and seriously working on it while 29 I've been in the real world long enough to know that the chances of making a living as an art or nature photographer are about 6 million to one. The chances of landing on the pages of Rolling Stone (a magazine I have issues with but one that totally gets and supports great photography) or National Geographic are also 6 million to one. I know that to make a living as a photographer portrait work, commercial and editorial work and hopefully a dash of photojournalism work will have to be my anchors. I know that art and documentary photography, which I love deeply and passionately, are going to be driving and inspiring forces for me but they won't pay my bills. If I'd fallen in love with photography at 22 and then realized at 27, 28, 29 that I was never going to be a photography star, that kid and dog portraits and engagement pictures and product shots were always going to be the bread and butter then I think I'd have been even more depressed than I've been this year. I think if I'd started pursuing photography professionally back then I wouldn't have had a realistic attitude about it and that would have hindered my development as a photographer and as a happy human being.

So as of a few weeks ago I've mostly worked through my turning 30 depression, my summer ennui and my general "I'm not doing anything cause it's not worth it" attitude. I am recommitted to my professional work and my purely passion projects and Exposure and Consuming Indy are about to come back to life in serious full on forcefulness. "

That's where my head's been at the last several months and why Exposure has been on an unplanned semi-hiatus. Things are so much better in my head now and I'm recommitting all of my passion and energy to things I love, including Exposure. So welcome back. I'm glad to be here.