My partner B and I will be participating in the Alzheimer's Association Indianapolis Memory Walk on October 1. B is a physician who specializes in geriatrics so this event is always an important one on our calendar. In a Gallup poll commissioned by the Alzheimer's Association, 1 in 10 Americans said that they had a family member with Alzheimer's and 1 in 3 knew someone with the disease. The number of Americans with Alzheimer's disease will continue to grow – by 2050 the number of individuals with Alzheimer's could total 16 million. Please help us do our part to improve the lives of those affected by Alzheimer's by supporting us with a donation. Proceeds from Memory Walk go directly to local services to improve the lives of those affected by Alzheimer's and their caregivers.

Please consider supporting us with a donation. You can donate to us as a team or you can donate to us individually. Thank you in advance for your support.

Last year I abruptly stopped viewing two photoblogs I had previously enjoyed very much. The reason I stopped looking? I was overwhelmed by how cruel people can be. That sounds so naive and childish but it's the truth. In the first instance the photographer had posted a photo of a little girl with a chubby belly in her bathing suit at the beach. The girl was smiling and beautiful. The photographer didn't see so much beauty and instead made a cruel comment about her stomach and weight. Many of the comments on the photo were worse. Much, much worse. Apparently the world really hates fat people, even fat little girls enjoying a day at the beach, and the commentors had no hesitation about spewing extremely cruel comments about a child whose photo had been posted on the internet. I was horrified at the things the people would say and even more so that the photographer seemed to have posted the photo just to get the kind of reaction he got.

The other photoblog I stopped viewing is very popular and I've seen many people admiring the photographer's work. The post that turned me off the photographer was of an older women in summer enjoying an afternoon out. She was wearing quite small, tight clothes and looked as though she'd been drinking quite a bit at the bar. Did the photographer take and post the photo just to elicit cruel comments about the woman? Honestly I don't know but my gut says yes. I think he took and posted the photo to make fun of her and the internet loves nothing more than a pile on.

I myself have taken and posted a photo of people because their appearance made me chuckle. The difference I think is that I was doing it good naturedly. I didn't want people to say mean things about the women in my photo and if anybody had I would have deleted the comment and pointed out that cruelty is not what my photography is about.

I mention this now because there seems to be a semi-common thread in photoblogs and Flickr of posting pictures that are very unflattering to the subjects or that were taken with the express purpose of mean spiritedly making fun of the subject. Or photos are posted and the comments immediately go into disparaging, cruel remarks about the subject and the photographer doesn't intervene and human kindness goes right out the window.

The ease and immediacy of digital cameras and online photo sharing tools seem to allow the lowest common denominator to creep into our photographic endeavors. An easy picture for a quick laugh, or a fast growing cruelty filled comment thread that pulls in traffic are easy enough to accomplish. That doesn't make them right though. I respect the medium of photography and enjoy photoblogging too much to enjoy them become simple tools for cruelty.

I have some invites to Vox, the new blogging tool from Six Apart. It's like a combination of typepad, livejournal and blogger. Drop a line if you're interested in the invites.

All the invites are gone now.

"One week from today is July 27 and I'll be 30 on that day. Damn, 30. I never thought I'd have an issue with turning 30. I very distinctly remember being in high school and watching the episode of Northern Exposure where Maggie freaks the hell out about turning 30. I thought that was so stupid. So it came as quite a shock back in the spring when a serious turning 30 depression hit me upside the head. It was an attack on two fronts, first there was the mild-ish case of "ohmygod I'm going to die someday! I'm 30, I'm nearly middle age, death is right around the corner." Then there was the deeper, more serious case of "You loser. You're almost 30 years old and you've accomplished nothing. You've wasted your intellect, your talents, your time. If you'd have figured a lot of shit out sooner you'd be in a lot better position as you turn 30, artistically and professionally." That weighed very heavily on my mind for the better part of the spring and the summer."

The depression took a heavy toll. I wasn't out shooting as much and I completely neglected Exposure and Consuming Indy, two projects that I really do love and was very excited about. I looked at it all of it with a "what's the point?" attitude that I deeply regret now. It sucks that I spent most of the spring and summer being whiny and depressed but I guess it's what I needed.

It's better now, I'm better now. I came to the realization that knowing at 29 what you'd really like to do professionally isn't so horrible. By figuring it out at 28 and seriously working on it while 29 I've been in the real world long enough to know that the chances of making a living as an art or nature photographer are about 6 million to one. The chances of landing on the pages of Rolling Stone (a magazine I have issues with but one that totally gets and supports great photography) or National Geographic are also 6 million to one. I know that to make a living as a photographer portrait work, commercial and editorial work and hopefully a dash of photojournalism work will have to be my anchors. I know that art and documentary photography, which I love deeply and passionately, are going to be driving and inspiring forces for me but they won't pay my bills. If I'd fallen in love with photography at 22 and then realized at 27, 28, 29 that I was never going to be a photography star, that kid and dog portraits and engagement pictures and product shots were always going to be the bread and butter then I think I'd have been even more depressed than I've been this year. I think if I'd started pursuing photography professionally back then I wouldn't have had a realistic attitude about it and that would have hindered my development as a photographer and as a happy human being.

So as of a few weeks ago I've mostly worked through my turning 30 depression, my summer ennui and my general "I'm not doing anything cause it's not worth it" attitude. I am recommitted to my professional work and my purely passion projects and Exposure and Consuming Indy are about to come back to life in serious full on forcefulness. "

That's where my head's been at the last several months and why Exposure has been on an unplanned semi-hiatus. Things are so much better in my head now and I'm recommitting all of my passion and energy to things I love, including Exposure. So welcome back. I'm glad to be here.

OK Alec Soth didn't really say that. What he said was

I think what makes a good photographer is being willing to explore what you really want to explore. If you really want to photograph furry kitties, just do it. It's ok.

Two things have gotten me thinking about what protections are and aren't available when presenting photography on the web and about the lack of information (or misinformation) that many people have on the subject. First there was post on Lifehacker last week that referenced a post on parent hacks where a father described printing images he found on Flickr and decorating his son's room with them. The problem is that the images he chose to use were copyrighted with "All Rights Reserved." This means the photographers didn't want their images taken from Flickr and used in any other capacity. It's very possible the photographers would have given permission to the father or offered to sell him a print but the father didn't ask. In fact when questioned about the copyright issue the father said

If you've stopped by courtesy of Lifehacker directing you toward the family picture post I hope you'll take some time and look around. In addition to notes for beginning or learning photographers you'll find links to interesting photographs, camera and photography news and personal information about me and my goal to be a successful professional photographer.

Thanks for stopping by.

Screenwriter John August has a great blog. He frequently writes about the process of getting movies and tv shows made (he is the screenwriter of Big Fish, Corpse Bride, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory), writing in general and other interesting topics. A couple days ago he posted a transcript of a speech he gave at Trinity University in San Antonio, TX about Professional Writing and the Rise of the Amateur.

It's a very good speech and I encourage everyone to read it because it highlights some of the blurry lines that those of us who work and communicate on the internet need to recognize and remember. Namely that google and archives are fierce mistresses and very nearly everything you say now will be traced back to you in the future. Outside of that important tenet his assertions about what makes one a professional versus an amateur (I'll give you a hint, it's not money) were exceptionally interesting to me as someone who is trying to make the leap from serious hobbyist to professional photographer.

August says that most of us are talking about "professionalism" when we talk about someone being a professional. That is they meet the expectations and standards that most of us accept as being part of professional behavior for person in field X.

The first expectation or standard that August lists is presentation. In a humorous and more direct way August says "I used to call this, “giving a shit,” but I decided I was swearing too much for an academic setting." What he's saying is that when you're a professional (noun) you care about being professional (adjective). You care about how you're presenting yourself to clients, colleagues, strangers as a _______. I'm there with you John. When I first started thinking about trying to become pro photographer (even a part time pro) I realized that I wanted and needed to meet the appearance of a professional photographer. No matter how much I carried around a P&S or how great the pictures were from it people were never going to see me as anything more than a tourist or hobbyist with a little camera. A "big camera" (aka an SLR) meets the expectation people hold for what a professional photographer should have. This sounds silly because the photographers' mantra seems to be "it's not the equipment, it's the photographer." But when I started packing a film slr and eventually a digital slr it was much easier to say "I'm a photographer" and have it be accepted as fact by friends and strangers alike.

I also realized that I had to believe that I was and could be a professional before anyone else could believe that I was. I had to get comfortable saying things like "I'm a photographer but I currently work in industry Y while I grow my photography business." That's a mouthful and it was a bit uncomfortable the first several times I said but it became easier.

August's other defining characteristics of being a professional are:
1. Accuracy: doing what you're supposed to do and doing it correctly
2. Consistency: delivering what is expected of you
3. Accountability: taking responsibility. Lay claim to your work and own up to your screw ups
4. Peer standards: meeting the standards for what's expected and accepted in your profession.

I feel confident that I meet all of these standards as a photographer. My attitude toward photography in general and my work shifted a long time ago and I decided there were standards and levels of professionalism I must meet in both my work and in my demeanor.

I liked August's speech because it vocalized some things I'd been thinking. Mostly that waiting until you're making significant money before you identify as a professional is missing the point. All of us who are following our dreams to become something should take that to heart. Take a page from the self help books and visualize yourself as what you want to be and you're a few steps closer to actually being it.

Either my Dad is getting soft in his old age or... or well he's actually proud and impressed with some of the things I've done recently. He was at my house for a few hours last week and I showed him the most recent book that I was the technical editor on. The author of the book said some very nice things about me in the books acknowledgment page and my Dad was genuinely impressed. Later I showed my Dad a picture I had taken at his sawmill of one of his Amish employees. I can't explain how much my father like this image. Immediately I had to print it for him so he could take it home. Plans were discussed for a better print and framing to happen as well. We then spent the next hour discussing my photography, equipment I want, my work flow, what I like to shoot and a project that I want to work on next summer. Plus we had an excellent meal at my favorite Greek restaurant that even my brother and sister enjoyed. Man, it was a good afternoon. I'm 29 years old and I'm just so pleased that my Dad was impressed and proud of the creative stuff I'm doing. Instead of being pleased that I have a decent job or make X amount of dollars he was impressed with some of my creative work that means so much to me. It's a great feeling.

I've been shooting for about a year now with more commitment and intent than just making casual snapshots. In all that time no one in my family has seemed to grasp how much I've fallen in love photography and how serious I am about it. Maybe it's because I don't state clear goals like "I want to be a professional photographer" but instead say "I want to be the best photographer I can be" and "I want to learn all I can an experiment and shoot without limits." Now reading between the lines I am saying "I want to be a professional photographer" at least on some level but they don't read it that way. But last week when my Dad was so excited I told him how my new entrepreneurial vision has grown to include making a living with my freelance tech and communications stuff and photography. I explained that I'm not expecting or even trying to get rich. I just want to find a way to do work that is interesting and important to me and photography is both of those things. My Dad has always supported my entrepreneurship, though not always for the reasons I wanted him to. I wanted him to understand that I didn't want to spend 40+ hours a week being a white collar worker bee. I wanted him to understand that I wanted to be my own boss not so I could be a slacker or a bum but because I wanted to do more work that was important and interesting. Money was never the most important thing to me, professional satisfaction was always much more attractive. My Dad gets that now that he has left the company he worked at for nearly 30 years and is now becoming an entrepreneurs himself. He's seems to get what I was trying to say about how great it feels to plan, start and complete projects that you're interested in or passionate about. That getting get paid for something you enjoy and really want to be involved in is far better than getting paid to be unhappily shuffling papers or products from one place to the next for 8 hours a day. Of course the trade off is that all the responsibility is yours. The success or failure of your endeavors is totally up to you. That's scary but exhilarating and my Dad gets that now. So when I tell him that I'd like to craft a life for myself where I'm my own boss and a make a living doing work that I like he thinks that concept is cool now instead of thinking "maybe you'll come up with a million dollar idea. That pleases me.

Remember when I said I was in the market for a film slr? Well I still am, sort of. But the more and more and more I've been looking the more I'm leaning back towards fiercly wanting a digital slr. Since my class ended I've gone back to shooting with my A95 more than the Pentax slr I was using before. I'm frustrated by it's many limitations but I love not the instant feedback but the hour later feedback. Since the class I'm thinking much more about shots and composition so that's not so much my crutch anymore. But the combination of my point and shoot and the film slr are really slowing down the technical development I'd like to see.

Let me be clear, I can do the technical trial and error I'd like to do with my film slr but it would be a lot more work and time than I have to give right now. I can take my film slr out into the field this afternoon and take 36 pictures at varying apertures so I can experiment with depth of field. I can take detailed notes on what settings I'm shooting at so I can match it up exactly with the negatives and prints. Then I can drive 30 minutes to the film developing place I trust and drop the film off. I can pick the film up tomorrow and drop $10.70 for the roll. Then I bring the prints home, match them up to the settings with my detailed notes and look at them and see what I can learn. This is of course after I've paid another $7 for new a roll of C-41 black and white film. So at this point I'm at nearly $18 for an afternoon of shooting.

Now let's pretend I've got a digital slr. I take it out and shoot this afternoon. With a 1GB card I've got basically unlimited shooting capacity. Not only that, I can look at a shot's depth of field (I'm obsessed with depth of field right now, can you tell?) immediately after I take a shot. I can figure out what I want in the shot, set the camera to achieve and then see if the image in my head matches what the camera does. If not I can make adjustments and get what I want. It's through that trial and error that I learn best.

Currently I find myself not shooting as much as I would like with the film slr because to shoot as much as I want I'd be spending upwards of $60 a week on film and processing. With that math the cost of a digital slr isn't really that unreasonble. Especially with the new Nikon D50 being really damn reasonable.

So now, the new, new plan is that I really, really, really want a digital slr. Really. Eventually my ideal setup would be to have a digital slr and a film slr to shoot black and white portraits with. The texture and tone of black and white prints are just more pleasing to me than their digital counterparts.

So there. I've confessed my wishy-washness. For the time being I'm saving up for a digital slr. I'm holding on to my borrowed film gear and I'm planning to take a darkroom class in the spring because I'm still so interested in learning about every aspect of photography that I can.