Recently in Health Category
I was reading the Freakonomics blog today on the issue of "the obesity epidemic" It's got a few experts giving their opinions on obesity and then lots of commenters ringing in. I don't have any deep analysis of it or strong opinions on the piece. What I do have are some interesting numbers. After reading the piece and some of the commenters take on BMI I decided to see where I currently fall on the BMI range and how far I've got to go to be considered normal.
Just so we're all on the same page: I'm 5'10" tall and I've lost just about 150 pounds. I am currently considered obese. There doesn't seem to be a BMI category for morbidly obese but I was clearly morbidly obese before. Now, 150 pounds lighter I'm considered obese. Just plain old obese. I'm not really surprised to be still considered obese I guess, but I think secretly I was hoping to now be in the overweight range. That's such a funny phrase "hoping to now be in the overweight range." Anyway.
I need to lose 21 more pounds before I'm considered just overweight. That would be me at about 171 lost. OK great. Hmm.
To be considered normal, weight wise anyway, I need to lose 57 more pounds. I haven't had very many moments of despair or real self-doubt during my whole weight loss/healthy lifestyle journey but for a second there I really had one after seeing that 57 pound figure. 57 more pounds just to break the overweight mark? Damn. Let me tell you, there is no way I'm losing 57 more pounds. Realistically I think I'm going to lose another 30-45 pounds. The 45 pound loss is like the pie in the sky figure that if I were to reach would be awesome but really it's ok if I don't. The 30 pound number is where I really want to reach no matter what. If I lose 35 more pounds I'll be really, really pleased and think that I'll look good and be at a healthy weight.
Believe me when I tell you that I would have to starve myself and work out like a mad, mad woman to lose 57 more pounds. It ain't happening.
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I'm getting ready to start training for a 5K. When I first started exercising I ran a tiny, tiny, tiny little bit. My massive body couldn't take anymore than that. B actually really didn't want me to run at all though because of all that weight pounding my joints. So I stopped running completely and we agreed that I could try running again when I got below 250 pounds. I'm well below 250 at this point but it's been really hot this summer and we don't currently have a treadmill so running has been on hold. Fall is coming (even though it's 102 here today I can feel fall coming) and I'm inspired by Kyle's 5K success. So training commencing shortly. I mention this in the BMI post because I wonder what my body will be like if running "takes" with me. If I become the kind of person that runs 30 miles a week (in addition to the 25-30 miles per walk I currently walk) on a regular basis what will my body be like? Will I be tall and skinny like my friend Chad? Will I be leaner than I imagine I can be? Or will I just have the same body type and general shape that I've had since I hit puberty? Will I be a fat chick who runs?
Chances are of course that running won't "take" with me but damn if I'm not ready and excited to try it.
Gastric bypass has been all over the place these days. First there was Star Jones "shocking" confession that she'd had gastric bypass then the story of a very young woman who died because of gastric bypass gone wrong hit the internet, and finally there's the 12 year old who had lapband surgery. Today the topic came to my house. This morning my grandparents came to visit. I was just at their house on Sunday and while there I saw a cousin I hadn't seen since last Christmas. He mentioned my weight loss but I wasn't interested in discussing it with him at the time. This morning my grandma told me that he called her on Monday and wanted to know "has Michelle been on a serious diet or did she have that gastric surgery." I told my grandmother that I hoped she lied and said "she suffered from a tropical illness that made her deathly ill and thus unable to consume food for the past year." My grandmother of course told no such lie. I don't know what she told him though because I changed the subject immediately.
I changed the subject for two reasons, well one reason, being infuriated, with two causes. I was infuriated that he truly believes the only two choices for losing weight are "serious" dieting or gastric bypass surgery. Healthy eating and exercise don't even enter the equation in his mind. Second I was infuriated with myself for being insulted that someone suggested that I'd had gastric bypass surgery. There are moments when you have to recognize shitty behaviors/feelings in your self and this was one of those for me. I was insulted that he'd think I'd have gastric bypass surgery and thus that I was weak. Yep, I said weak. Do I really think people that have gastric bypass surgery are weak? No, but in that moment I did. In that moment I felt very superior because I've lost my weight "the right way." I'm not proud of myself for that moment but I'm owning up to it. A friend of mine recently wrote a "confession of shame" apologizing for some behavior he'd exhibited but felt quite sorry for shortly after and it stuck with me. So I'm confessing my shame over being judgmental of those who've had or will have gastric bypass surgery and feeling superior because of the healthy and weight accomplishments I've made over the past year.
If I'm truly honest though I'll admit that it's not just in that one moment that I've thought about gastric bypass patients negatively. That's ironic though because if 18 months ago I'd have had the money I would have seriously considered gastric bypass surgery. I remember during that time frame thinking about gastric bypass because I was so miserable and couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of my weight. So given that little tidbit who in the world am I to judge anybody? No one. I'm in no place to judge so I'm trying to keep myself in check. But it's hard to suppress these little thoughts and feelings that bubble up, seemingly from nowhere. It's hard to feel proud of your accomplishments and not begrudge someone else who has achieved the same things but with different, and seemingly easier methods.
Imagine there are two people in my brain. Go on just imagine for a second. Got it? Good. Ok person one was narrating the last paragraph and person two just yelled "Gothcha!" as soon as person one finished that sentence about easier methods. Why gothca? Because I say all the time that this year of healthy eating and living has been much, much easier than I expected it to be. Once I was committed to living a healthy lifestyle things just kind of fell into place. Obviously there have been days when I didn't want to walk or go to the gym or days when I wanted to eat 3 double cheeseburgers but the vast majority of days have been easy. I don't miss eating meat at home, I don't miss going to McDonald's, I don't feel like I'm missing out on something when I eat tasty, healthy vegetarian food. I like living my healthy lifestyle. I enjoy the food and the exercise and the whole thing. Also, I really enjoy Coke Zero.
Have you read about how gastric bypass patients have to eat post op? Have you heard how they can't have carbonated beverages? Have you heard about all the protein? They put lean protein in shakes and puddings for goodness sake. So is that easier than eating lots of great healthy foods washed down with Coke Zero? No. Is that easier than cooking or baking and eating what you want without having to worry about making yourself sick on a regular basis? No. Is having the potential for all kinds of surgical complications easier? No. Is all that quicker? Yes, definitely quicker, but easier, no.
Maybe writing all this out will help me be less judgmental of the "healthier by gastric bypass" set (I'm trying to build up emphasis on health and lessen the sole emphasis on weight loss every freaking where). It probably won't. I confess that I'm a wicked judgmental person by nature. But I'm trying. I get some credit for that right?
Today's weigh in marks one year of living a healthy lifestyle. One year ago I was still in Indianapolis coming off a wicked 6 month depression that kicked my ass. I had just turned 30 and knew that I couldn't keep living the same life I was living in the same unhealthy body I had been living it in. I don't want to make it sound dramatic, like I was sitting under a tree while a warm summer breeze blew my hair around my face with a John Williams score playing in the background when it suddenly hit me that I want to become a healthy person committed to a healthy lifestyle. There was no thunderbolt moment but instead a series of moments that made me realize how much I hated myself and my body and how it didn't have to be that way. I realized that I was 30 years and morbidly obese. That combined with my family history was completely setting me up for either early death, or if I didn't die young I'd be one of those old people that are really old. You know what I mean? One of those old people that can barely get around and are pretty much house bound. A year ago I said "Fuck that. Fuck early death, fuck being old and frail before my time." Now, I know that even with my healthy lifestyle I may still die young or become feeble. But a healthy lifestyle certainly gives me much better odds.
During this first year of my healthy lifestyle I've lost 141 pounds, become mostly vegetarian, and learned an insane amount about food, nutrition, exercise and how my body relates and reacts to all three. In this paragraph allow me dramatic license to say that it's been an incredibly rewarding experience to learn about healthy eating and living a healthy lifestyle and just how damn good both of those things feel. I feel good almost all the time. Seriously. If I'm not sick or having cramps (TMI? I can't decide) then I probably feel pretty good on any given day. When I don't eat right or I thoroughly overeat I pay for it. I feel sluggish and bloated and just generally yucky. I avoid the yucky as much as I possibly can.
Interestingly enough though I had a bought of the yucky over my birthday weekend. For my birthday and B's birthday my mom likes to take us out for a fancy dinner. This year was no exception. For a couple weeks before my birthday I scoured the online menus of lots of fancy restaurants here in town. Louisville has a great dining scene so naturally I found a lot of insanely delicious sounding dishes that a year and two months ago I would have been salivating over. I didn't walk away from my menu perusing with visions of tastiness in my head though. Instead I was lamenting the fact that gourmet/fancy vegetarian cooking doesn't really have a place here, save Asian restaurants. We're a Southern town that loves its pork, its steak, its chicken and even its frog legs. I can't fault anyone for loving those things, they just aren't for me much anymore. When I want things like steak or fried fish or some kind of pork I don't typically want it at a fancy restaurant. Instead I want it someplace where it's going to be prepared in comforting and familiar ways. So what I should have done was explained to my mom that while I appreciate her springing for fancy dinners let's instead hit a favorite burger spot or load up on insanely good pub grub at The Irish Rover. If I'm going to eat beef 5 times a year I'll take the backyard barbecue burger over the beef tenderloin with prosciutto, Parmesan and asparagus almost every time.
So I should have told my mom that I wanted to hit the burger place or the Rover but I didn't. I knew she really wanted a nice dinner out, as did B, so we went to a very popular old school place called Jack Fry's. There was literally one vegetarian entree. I can't recall there being a single vegetarian appetizer. So I had the above described beef tenderloin. It was good, very good, but I definitely wish that I had chosen to consume those calories elsewhere. I don't have any guilt over eating a beef based, decadent meal every once in a while, I just wish it had been a different one. The point of this story is that I knew I didn't want to go to this restaurant, I knew that I didn't want to eat that kind of meal but I did it anyway to make other people happier. What I knew but re-learned from this experience is that my eating habits and healthy lifestyle are incredibly important to me and I can't allow other people to dissuade me from the path I've chosen to be on. My mom would have been a bit disappointed had we gone to a more casual restaurant but she would have gotten over it and we still would have had a good time. It was my birthday and my caloric expenditure and I should have placed my wants in this situation first. That sounds selfish I know but taking care of yourself and making healthy choices everyday is a selfish endeavor, one that I think everyone should undertake.
Losing 141 pounds is probably the most selfish thing I've ever done. I did it just for me. I did it to make myself feel better, look better, give myself a better shot at aging healthily. It was and is all about me. I hope to lose another 40-60 pounds. I can't say for sure I'll reach that goal range and it's ok if I don't, but if I do those next 40-60 pounds will be just as selfish. I hope to maintain a healthy lifestyle including good eating and exercise for the rest of my life, this too will be completely selfish on my part. I like feeling good, I like looking good, I like moving my body. Maybe that selfishness should be the theme of my responses to questions like "how have you done/how do you do it/what should I do?" Maybe I should say "I love myself enough to know that I deserve a healthy body and I'm selfish enough to adhere to a lifestyle that helps me get one." I like that answer.
In the Summer of 2006 after many years of being extremely overweight I finally reached the point where I was ready to change my life and my body. I didn't decide to go on another diet that was destined to fail (I have experience enough at failed diets). I didn't decide to have surgery to reduce my weight. Instead I decided to become the active decision maker when it comes to my health. I decided to no longer let inertia, laziness, too busy-ness, work or anything else make the choices, by default, about my body and health. I decided to be a healthier person and live a healthier life starting immediately. I committed myself to the goals of a acheiving a healthy weight and size, enjoying a satisfying and healthy diet, and integrating a healthy amount of varried exercise into my life.
The first concrete step toward these goals was to dive head first into learning much more about nutrition, exercise and my own personal issues and demons with food. The next step was to sign up for Weight Watchers online. Yes, sigh, Weight Watchers. I need help to change my life and my body and the Weight Watchers system makes sense to me. The program helps me figure out what moderation really means and what portion sizes should actually be in practical, useful terms. It helps me figure out how much I should be eating everyday, what I should be eating less of, what I should be eating more of. One of the foundations of a healthy life I think and of the Weight Watchers plan is that no food is forbidden. Everything is allowed in moderation.
My only concern with Weight Watchers was that I'm not anti-fat and I'm not anti-women's bodies. What I mean is I don't find fat offensive or horrible and I think that women can be and are beautiful at any size. I don't think every fat person on the planet needs to lose weight. I don't think fat people should hide in shame until they can present a smaller version of themself. I don't think fat people are stupid or lazy. I don't think there is any number on a scale that people (women in particular) should strive to meet to make them feel good about themselves. I think people should be healthy and happy and not wrapped up in what size they fit into. In fact I suspect I'll always meet the textbook/bmi chart definition of fat. Though Weight Watchers insisted that I have a goal weight that I'm working toward it is completely a ball park figure. If I'm 15 pounds above that "target weight" but I feel good and am acheiving my specific healthy life goals (which include some travel and exercise milestones among others) then I'm perfectly fine with that. I don't think Weight Watchers is but I am. So I'm no longer struggling with being a betrayer to the cause of fat and body acceptance. I've come to the conclusion that doing what you want to do because it's good for you, healthy for you and is something you really want so you can live a very long, healthy life is absolutely the right thing to do. My way is of course not the way for everyone and I'd never want to even hint that it is.
I have always loved really good food and it pleases me to be able to make and create good food myself. This has not changed because I am working toward a more healthy life. If anything I love cooking good food now even more because I know if I'm going to work a piece of cake into my eating plan for the day it's going to be made with good ingredients and care. In short, it's going to be worth it. This is where A Healthy Appetite comes into the picture. A couple years back I had a cooking and food blog called Domesticity that marked the progression of my interest in cooking, baking and things of a domestic nature. I very much enjoyed writing about and tracking my progress in the kitchen. Though my family is filled wth many absolutely fantastic, traditional Southern cooks I never learned to make anything besides a cake from a mix growing up. Cooking and baking simply couldn't hold my attention. I was an expert at eating to be sure but never really cared much about how things were made, why some ingredients were better than others, or why it was important to use technique X instead of technique Y. This all changed in my mid 20s. I was woefully underemployed with time and energy to spare, had (and still have) a very busy partner who couldn't cook as much as she used to, and I was getting tired of making spaghetti and jarred sauce every time it was my turn to cook. I started slowly. I quickly worked my way through a great cookbook I had bought (but never used) in college called Help! My Apartment Has a Kitchen by Kevin Mill and his mom Nancy Mills. The book was perfect for me because not only were the recipes pretty simple they also utilized ingredients I probably already had in the house and there were lots of "Mom Tips" that explained basic cooking techniques, acceptable common substitutions and why something had to be done a specific way.
After trying all the things that interested me in Help! My Apartment Has a Kitchen I moved from the kiddie pool to the deep end without much trouble. I read a lot of cookbooks and online food writing and I slogged my way through until I felt pretty comfortable in the kitchen. I went from being an absolute recipe follower (if it said beat batter 50 times with a wooden spood I would count to make sure I had beaten the batter 50 times with a wooden spoon) to using recipes as guidlines and allowing myself to improvise and modify what I was making. Surprisingly I found that I really enjoyed cooking and I really loved baking. I'd get extreme pleasure from baking a batch of cupcakes completley from scratch and taking them to my day job or sending them to work with my partner. I even showered my neighbors I didn't like with homemade baked goods but it was such a natural high to see someone fawn over my food. The end result of a baking project is bliss.
So now I'm a woman committed to living a healthier life with concrete health and body goals I'm working toward. I'm also a woman who loves food, cooking and baking. I don't think those things are mutually exclusive. A Healthy Appetite is my place to prove they aren't. Part recipe box, part product review notebook, part exercise journal, part public accountability stage, part Weight Watchers for a more hipster-inclined set, A Healthy Appetite is where Michelle Jones writes about food, exercise, health and things related to all three.
