Did She Have that Gastric Surgery? No, but she should have her jerk side removed
Gastric bypass has been all over the place these days. First there was Star Jones "shocking" confession that she'd had gastric bypass then the story of a very young woman who died because of gastric bypass gone wrong hit the internet, and finally there's the 12 year old who had lapband surgery. Today the topic came to my house. This morning my grandparents came to visit. I was just at their house on Sunday and while there I saw a cousin I hadn't seen since last Christmas. He mentioned my weight loss but I wasn't interested in discussing it with him at the time. This morning my grandma told me that he called her on Monday and wanted to know "has Michelle been on a serious diet or did she have that gastric surgery." I told my grandmother that I hoped she lied and said "she suffered from a tropical illness that made her deathly ill and thus unable to consume food for the past year." My grandmother of course told no such lie. I don't know what she told him though because I changed the subject immediately.
I changed the subject for two reasons, well one reason, being infuriated, with two causes. I was infuriated that he truly believes the only two choices for losing weight are "serious" dieting or gastric bypass surgery. Healthy eating and exercise don't even enter the equation in his mind. Second I was infuriated with myself for being insulted that someone suggested that I'd had gastric bypass surgery. There are moments when you have to recognize shitty behaviors/feelings in your self and this was one of those for me. I was insulted that he'd think I'd have gastric bypass surgery and thus that I was weak. Yep, I said weak. Do I really think people that have gastric bypass surgery are weak? No, but in that moment I did. In that moment I felt very superior because I've lost my weight "the right way." I'm not proud of myself for that moment but I'm owning up to it. A friend of mine recently wrote a "confession of shame" apologizing for some behavior he'd exhibited but felt quite sorry for shortly after and it stuck with me. So I'm confessing my shame over being judgmental of those who've had or will have gastric bypass surgery and feeling superior because of the healthy and weight accomplishments I've made over the past year.
If I'm truly honest though I'll admit that it's not just in that one moment that I've thought about gastric bypass patients negatively. That's ironic though because if 18 months ago I'd have had the money I would have seriously considered gastric bypass surgery. I remember during that time frame thinking about gastric bypass because I was so miserable and couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of my weight. So given that little tidbit who in the world am I to judge anybody? No one. I'm in no place to judge so I'm trying to keep myself in check. But it's hard to suppress these little thoughts and feelings that bubble up, seemingly from nowhere. It's hard to feel proud of your accomplishments and not begrudge someone else who has achieved the same things but with different, and seemingly easier methods.
Imagine there are two people in my brain. Go on just imagine for a second. Got it? Good. Ok person one was narrating the last paragraph and person two just yelled "Gothcha!" as soon as person one finished that sentence about easier methods. Why gothca? Because I say all the time that this year of healthy eating and living has been much, much easier than I expected it to be. Once I was committed to living a healthy lifestyle things just kind of fell into place. Obviously there have been days when I didn't want to walk or go to the gym or days when I wanted to eat 3 double cheeseburgers but the vast majority of days have been easy. I don't miss eating meat at home, I don't miss going to McDonald's, I don't feel like I'm missing out on something when I eat tasty, healthy vegetarian food. I like living my healthy lifestyle. I enjoy the food and the exercise and the whole thing. Also, I really enjoy Coke Zero.
Have you read about how gastric bypass patients have to eat post op? Have you heard how they can't have carbonated beverages? Have you heard about all the protein? They put lean protein in shakes and puddings for goodness sake. So is that easier than eating lots of great healthy foods washed down with Coke Zero? No. Is that easier than cooking or baking and eating what you want without having to worry about making yourself sick on a regular basis? No. Is having the potential for all kinds of surgical complications easier? No. Is all that quicker? Yes, definitely quicker, but easier, no.
Maybe writing all this out will help me be less judgmental of the "healthier by gastric bypass" set (I'm trying to build up emphasis on health and lessen the sole emphasis on weight loss every freaking where). It probably won't. I confess that I'm a wicked judgmental person by nature. But I'm trying. I get some credit for that right?
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I appreciate this. In the heat of my "shameful moment" the people around me wanted to justify the behavior as being "not that bad" and I wouldn't have it. It was "that bad" and I needed to own up to it.
I'm of several different minds about this, but the one thing that comes to mind is something I read on Gwen H.'s site once upon a time: "Nobody asked me."
I can understand the need to feel proud of doing it "the right way". I have an acquaintance who had lap-band surgery right around the time I started with The Program That Shall Not Be Named, and she used to always say that she admired me because I was losing weight "the right way." After awhile I really started to think about that statement and all of the connotations and baggage that come along with it.
In my mind, there is a class of people for whom gastric bypass is the only option. These people are the ones that you see on that TLC show about the weight loss clinic, people who weigh upwards of 400 pounds or more. Now, at my highest weight, that would have put me only 30 pounds away from that category, but even when I *was* that fat, I never *felt* that fat. I was still fairly active, I walked nearly everywhere, and I didn't have any mobility problems. However, for people who have never been active, whose lives have been largely sedentary, and they don't have the muscular-skeletal strength needed to start even a walking program, then they might be a good candidate for WLS.
On the other hand, I get really...ticked off... at people who make the assumption that just because I'm (still) fat and just because I gained some of the weight back that I lost, that I'm not living a healthy lifestyle. I eat well. I use a 70/30 ratio of nutritious foods to junk as a rule. But even if I didn't, what business is it of anyone else's and how dare they make assumptions about me just because of what they see? Why should I -- or any other person for that matter -- have to justify the choices I made to anyone who isn't living inside my skin?
To make an assumption that I'm not leading a healthy lifestyle simply because I'm still fat really rubs me the wrong way, even more so from people who have managed to lose weight by making some changes to the way they choose to live their lives. It is just as annoying to assume that people who have had WLS haven't had to make the same behavior modifications (or "lifestyle changes") in order to accommodate their smaller stomachs. Most WLS patients come off the liquid diets with time, but in order to keep from purging, they have to stay away from super rich foods and carbonated beverages. When I was on The Program, I stayed away from super rich foods and limited my intake of carbonated drinks. How are the eating habits of someone on The Program so drastically different than the new eating habits of someone with WLS? They're really not.
In many ways the judgmental attitude bothers me more than comments about WLS because WLS gets press and attention, while losing weight through diet and exercise (and I've stopped calling it a lifestyle change - it was a *diet*) isn't as sexeh and attention-getting. So in a hamfisted way, maybe your relative was simply commenting on your success and attributing it to the only thing he could think of that might result in such drastic success, especially since you mentioned that you hadn't been interested in discussing your weight loss with him at the time. If we don't talk about it, then people are going to assume - remember what happened with Star Jones.
Ah, this is too long already, but I just wanted to close by saying that you have made a choice that is good for *you*, just as WLS patients have made choices that are good for *them*. No one should be judged or demonized for making a personal decision...unless that decision was to vote for George Bush in 2000, and again in 2004. :)
Well said Cecily as always. You've given me a lot to think about. Remember a few weeks ago I wrote about wondering how people see me at my current weight? I'm thinking about that now in light of what you said about people assuming you don't live a healthy lifestyle since you gained some weight back. I've seen pictures, you look fabulous so I have a hard time picturing anybody being judgmental about you though I'm surely not discounting your experience. Just asking what the hell they're thinking.
And you're right about my cousin. He was complimenting me in a way. In his mind losing weight is a fabulous, fabulous thing. It doesn't matter if it's for health, it doesn't matter how it was done. All that matters is that skinnier=better. It's that same judgment and that same value judgment. Fat is bad, skinny is good. This food makes you fat so this food is bad and on and on and on. It just doesn't stop.