Sleeveless!

I haven't worn a sleeveless shirt in about 15 years. Seriously. Up until a month or so again I didn't own one. A little over a month ago I bought a sleeveless shell to wear under the shirt I was wearing to my brother's wedding. On the way home from the wedding (outdoor, afternoon wedding in Kentucky in the summer, go figure I was hot) I stripped off the overshirt and let the breeze tickle my bare arms. Taking only a small amount of dramatic license I'll say it was a revelation. It felt so good to have bare arms. So good. But my arms are so flabby I said, I could never have bare arms in public. A few weeks later I went to Avenue and tried on a dress that I loved. Love, loved, loved it. Loved the way it looked on me too. But again I said my arms are so flabby. I could never wear this dress, with my bare arms in public. So I didn't buy it. I regret that now.

I don't know exactly where this small burst of self-confidence has come from. But this shirt was handed down to me and I decided I really liked it and I wanted to wear it. I put it on and cringed at the way my bare arms look. I made a muscle and looked at my nice bicep and saw all the flab that hangs from where my tricep muscles supposedly live. I thought long and hard about taking the shirt off but I didn't. I wore it out to breakfast this morning with some friends. No one pointed and laughing, small children didn't run away in horror and fear, no one stared at the blindingly white, flabby portion of my arm and after a few minutes my self-consciousness went away.

I can't describe how great of a feeling this is. This is what people in the program that shan't be named refer to as a non-scale victory. This must sound so silly to people who don't have flabby arms or who have never been morbidly obese. Don't care though. It's a big deal for me because I'm working through some of my own internal "fear of fat issues." I mean is there a head in a box somewhere that comes out to declare that women's arms are too flabby to be in seen in public because my god people think of the children! I'm pretty sure no such thing exists so I feel secure in saying that no arms are too flabby to be seen in public. You know why? Because arms are arms! Fat, muscular, thin, flabby, doesn't matter they're all arms. My arms are not too flabby to be seen in public, they're just fine. Just fine I say. And today I really believe that. Ask me next week and we'll see if I still believe it.