I was going to give the recaps up but I decided that by irritating me even more the show was in fact just giving me more to bitch about and we all know how much I love having things to bitch about. I reserve the right though to stop at a later date if Fucking Sleazy Creep gets any sleazier or any creepier.

Two Things I learned this week from watching The L Word:
1. Productivity gurus are insanely attractive to followers. This means David Allen probably gets to do more people than he can shake an open loop at (Gina is probably the only one going to get that joke).

2. Pregnant Tina is to lesbians what wildflowers are to bees, fucking attractive. I simply don't get it. If my girl was pregnant of course I'd find her attractive but the thought of getting it on with some other pregnant woman just doesn't do it for me. Yet another strike against me being a potential LA power lesbian.

Onward

- As hinted above, Kit gets it on with Mr. TOE. This happens after a discussion of his family. The discussion is vague about whether or not that family includes a wife but I got the feeling it does. Damn. Kit can't get a decent, non-married man? And the sex was woefully short and we didn't see much of Pam Grier at all. Not that I had even the slightest inclination to see Charles S. Dutton naked, but you know maybe Kit in her bra or something would have been nice. Yes I really do watch this show because of the women I find attractive. I thought you already knew. Anyway after doing Mr. TOE Kit wrangles Bette into going to a seminar and Mr. TOE gives Bette some good advice on how to start trying to woo Tina back. You might not know it but back in my single days I was quite the woo-er myself and I agree with Mr. TOE's advice completely so this leads me to believe that my estimation that they'd spend all season building up to a Tina & Bette reunion at the very end was spot on. If I were a betting woman I'd say we've got two weeks of Tina doing Helena Peabody, two weeks of Bette having some serious crisis, and two weeks of baby related drama leading to the season finale and a full on Bette & Tina reunion.

- Since I mentioned Tina doing Helena Peabody I guess I should spill the specifics. There is a dinner for recipients of Peabody grants and of course Tina and Helena attend. Now I'm going to have to question the LAist peeps about this but Chateau Marmont seems like a strange place for such a dinner. It was very necessary to have said dinner at a hotel though so Tina and Helena could get it on in a hotel pool. Apparently the rest of the hotel's guests have absolutely no interest in the pool cause they were quite undisturbed during their poolside and intra-pool tryst. I just said a silent prayer that swimming pool chemicals are strong enough to combat pregnant woman hormones. Tina is at first hesitant about stripping and having sex in a pretty public place but apparently saying "I've wanted to fuck you since the first moment I saw you" is the surest way to get Tina in the mood. I think that line works on Bette too since that's pretty much the same m.o. Candace used.

- Alice is pretty desperate for Tennis Player to break up with Cat Killer. Tennis Player is pretty desperate to fuck Alice again. Alice says no sex until the breakup deed is done. TP swears to do it after her tournament. Yes! The Tennis Player is actually participating in a tennis tournament. We'll take even if it is (pay attention it's going to get lame and confusing quickly) a ploy for another cheap cameo this time it's Melissa Rivers who, while looking shockingly like the plastic surgery version of her mother, hooks up with Cat Killer. So Cat Killer and TP simultaneously break up with each other. Cat Killer dumps TP because Melissa Rivers is apparently a bigger celebrity and TP dumps Cat Killer because she really doesn't love her. TP's speech is actually a good one about how post breakup with Laura she was trying to figure out who she was and Cat Killer really helped her. Cat Killer respected her and that made her respect herself. Bye Cat Killer.

Tennis Player actually seems depressed that Cat Killer was going to dump her too. On the ride home from the tournament with Alice and Shane, she seems really pretty depressed. Shane sits in the back seat watching Alice and TP not talking and she giggles furiously like a little kid watching her parents. Pretty funny. I guess this shockingly means that TP really was into Alice just for the sex and Alice is going to end up with a broken heart and a fucked up relationship with her best friend. Swell.

- Shane is still trying to hook Carmen up with Jenny even though it's blindingly obvious that Carmen just wants Shane. Her meddling is somewhat successful and Carmen and Jenny go out. Jenny is completely silent during the date thanks to a lame assignment that I refuse to detail from Sandra Bernhardt. Cue Shane being jealous as they continue to go out.

- Fucking Sleazy Creep paid a woman to pretend to be delivering flowers for Shane. The thinking being that because the woman is cute Shane would of course be completely open to fucking her without question or conversation. That thinking was of course correct. Because Shane is a character who will fuck any woman she meets. Fucking Sleazy Creep watches this encounter with his equally sleazy and creepy friend. The friend is very disappointed though because instead of watching the actual sex part he wants to zoom in on Shane's face because he wants to know what she's feeling. He's actually becoming very single white female-ish about Shane. He's kind of obsessed with her and who she's fucking or not fucking. The woman he paid to sleep with Shane is apparently a friend of his and when he mentions that while watching them fuck he was jealous. The friend (who is having doubts about the whole setup because she likes Shane now) rightfully asks if he was jealous of her or jealous of Shane. No answer is given. Previews show Shane getting into some kind of physical altercation and calling Fucking Sleazy Creep. Fabulous. Time to give the creep a redeeming act? Because of course picking Shane up after she gets beat up competely makes up for setting her up and secretly taping her every goddamn move in her own home.

And I just used the word up four times in one sentence. It's time to stop now.