I'm sersiouly, seriously pissed with this episode. Carmen and sort-of-cute with short hair Crazy Jenny get it on and all we see is some weird slapping and lying together nonsense but it gets all graphic when Helena is going down on a oh so very pregnant Tina. So. Not. Fair.

- Kit is obviously still messing with Mr. TOE because he sent her a big ass bunch of flowers though he is nowhere to be seen in this episode.

- Dana and Alice break the land speed record for going from "two that I want to see get it on and be a couple" to "boring couple that I'm ready to see break up." It's not really their fault I guess it's just that they seem pretty boring now. They wouldn't be nearly as boring if we'd actually see some of the mind blowing sex that they spend a great deal of time talking about. Seeing would be too much for us though so we just have to have pregnant woman sex to get us through.

- Attractive, professional lesbians are obviously in short supply in L.A. because single Bette is considered prime, fresh meat and everyone and their sister is trying to pick her up. The way it all was played was pretty stupid because it made most of the women look terribly desperate but there was one funny line with someone offering to be "your rebound girlfriend." Bette isn't really interested in any of the women but she does try to pick up a sculptor whose work she is looking at for her museum. Alas the sculptor has a girlfriend. There's also some boring plot about Bette's museum having brought in a professional fund raising and Bette being really bitchy to him. Partially because she feels threatened by him, partially because he doesn't think Helena Peabody is the devil, and partially because Bette really is a bitch.

- Tina is apparently "seeing" Helena Peabody and not just fucking her in hotel swimming pools. We know this because naked Tina and Helena wake up together when Helena's two kids spring into the bed with them. Naked Tina is very disturbed by this (as well she should be). Helena proves just how icky she is by saying something like "children are sexual beings too and it's not shameful for them to be aware that mummy and Tina are getting it on." Tina disagrees and wants to get dressed as soon as possible. She apparently forgot that she disagreed though because later as the children do whatever it is that children do, in the living room of the hotel suite, Helena goes down on Tina on the balcony. Sadly for Tina they are interrupted by Helena's ex. Seems the children were supposed to be back in NY with their other mother like 12 hours ago. Helena just kind of decided to ignore the court order and keep them for an extra weekend so they could go to Sea World. Apparently all the water and animals in Sea World dry up during the week and don't get reconstituted until Friday mornings, thus preventing her from taking the kids before their court ordered return to NY time. Helena thinks her ex is evil because 1) she just thinks she's evil 2) because the ex refuses to be bought by her and 3) the ex is apparently kind of poor. Kind of poor is bad. Didn't you know that?

The point of all this is to make Helena whine about possibly losing her children to the ex, particularly because the younger of the two was birthed by the ex (I've always wanted to use the word 'birthed'). Biology usually wins so Helena says she's quite scared that as the biological mother the ex will be able to cut her out of their son's life despite the fact that they they dreamed of and conceived of the child together. This whining is important because Tina hasn't decided what if any role she wants Bette to have in her baby's life. Bette feels strongly that the baby is hers too because they dreamed of and conceived of the child together (sound familiar?). Technically Tina conceived the child by her lonesome but the donor is a friend of Bette's and they picked him out together last season. Legally of course Tina doesn't have to let Bette into the child's life at all because as gay people the concept of legal rights for us is fucking laughable.

- Shane is still working for Crazy Bitch. Crazy Bitch lives up to her name this episode by throwing a massive fit when her film loses funding. She throws things at people, knocks over things and screams like mad. Do people in Hollywood really behave this way? Her obnoxious behavior continues as she forces Shane to go with her to get a chemical peel and later go home with her. Drugged and in pain from the chemical nonsense Crazy Bitch wants Shane to stay with her. Instead Shane steals a bottle of Oxy Contin, convinces Crazy Bitch to let her have the Oxy (after she's already pocketed it) and then leaves. Crazy Bitch is so not happy. Shane, drugs in tow, goes to The Planet.

At The Planet (nightclub version) Carmen and Jenny are flirting and kissing and acting much more sexual than I care to see the DJ being. I like my DJs to stand behind the decks, look cute and kind of dance a little bit. Not making out and coming pretty damn close to jumping someone. But since I'm not in the club I kind of dug what they were doing. Shane didn't though. Finally showing she actually has something of a heart or at least some organ that produces feelings she flees the club after seeing the dj/writer mash-up. Later back at the house Carmen and Jenny are doing even more kissing and flirting and seem to be ready to fuck each other's brains out. That is until Shane walks in with her two dates/tricks/whatever. Yes two. Carmen completely loses her motivation to fuck Jenny and leaves. Jenny is of course sad.

Next morning Carmen comes back over, apologizes to Jenny and says that she normally doesn't fall for unavailable people. Jenny says you can't help who you fall for. And then suddenly they are mostly naked on Jenny's bed. Jenny's room is pink with pictures of naked women and people making out by the way. Once mostly naked on the bed Jenny and Carmen kiss and slap each others arms. I didn't understand it. I admit that I'm not down with the kink myself but arm slapping just doesn't seem that sexy to me. I assume they moved past arm slapping since they both look terribly pleased upon exiting the room. Carmen loses the happy again though when she's sees Shane. She gives Shane a speech about Shane not being able to deal with nice people caring for her or doing nice things for her. Shane looks hurt and also like she's been up all night because the LSD she took won't let her sleep. Not that I would know that LSD keeps you up all night.

Now I'm not really sure if my interpretation of this next part is right but I'm going with it anyway. From what I can gather Shane is hurt by Carmen's words and the fact that she was banging Jenny. So she takes a bunch of extacy and goes to Venice Beach. She calls Jenny to come get her but Jenny isn't home so Fucking Sleazy Creep will have to do. Between the time she called Fucking Sleazy Creep and the time he got there Shane, with her completely androgynous self tries to turn tricks for sleazy men who think she's a boy. They figure out she's a girl and throw her out of the club/bar/alley/wherever they where. Fucking Sleazy Creep arrives in time to prevent her from being really beat up. Well yay fucking hurray, Fucking Sleazy Creep gets to be the hero for Shane. That's swell since his only other scene in this episode consisted of him quizzing Jenny about Shane. Wanting to know if she's just really good in bed or what it is about her that attracts women. He not so subtly hinted that he thinks Jenny should sleep with her to find out about the good in bed part. Absolutely disgusting.

Previews for next week show Helena Peabody's ex trying to convince Tina to appear as a character witness against Helena Peabody. Also Shane having a black eye, Carmen being terribly concerned and wanting to kill whoever did it to Shane and Shane being a completely and total bitch by saying "you did it." That's mature.