The L Word Season 3 Week 4

This week Bette doesn't sleep with Dana Delaney (disappointingly), Kit doesn't sleep with Angus, Moira doesn't sleep with Jenny, the show steps up from Subaru to Mercedes as a sponsor, and Alice is still crazy.

- Jenny freaks out and starts burning manuscript pages because the editor she sent her manuscript to won't return her calls and also because Moira and the Truck of Epic Butchness stayed out all night. So to continue her string of unsuccessful jobs (checkout bagger, waitress, stripper) she's taken a job at The Planet. This is good because Billie has hired the most horrible waiter in the world just because he's cute and Billie can just stare at him all day. So Jenny and Cute Boy can be like a mismatched set of bad servers. In addition to liking cute twinks Billie seems to be a bit of a tranny chaser as well. He likes Moira until he figures out she's a girl. He pauses briefly and then decides she must be trans and starts laying not subtle hints about it. Later Jenny and Moira hang out with Billie and has friends: a transman, the transman's girlfriend and a transwoman. Billie introduces Jenny around but makes a point to ask Moira if she goes by any other name. Jenny says she sometimes goes by Max. Billie lights up and only refers to her as Max from then on. The transguy is writing a screenplay about his life. He says it's the basic small town girl who realizes she's not a girl, dates women, takes testosterone, has top surgery, etc story. Moira asks if it's about his own life and the guy says yes. Billie says "maybe it's about your life too." Moira says she's definitely thought about it (it being transitioning I guess) which surprises Jenny. The next evening is a big party for Shane's new venture with the skateboard company. Moira doesn't go, she says Jenny's friends were nice to her and she doesn't fit in. Then the skies open, the clouds part, and hanging in Jenny's closet is well pressed suit. Moiras's eyes light up and of course she goes to the party looking dapper (I'm looking at you Cecily) in the suit. Everyone is nice to her and comments on how good she looks, except Jenny. Jenny in fact starts to distance herself. When she and Moira are dancing and Moira steps closer Jenny bolts and dances (closely) with Alice. So look for Moira to become Max and Jenny to dump her him soon.

- Speaking of Shane's party. Um I guess the basic premise is hair cutting as performance art? Again, I know I'm old and boring but I totally didn't get the part where Shane was giving some girl a shaved/spikey/punk hair cut and a large crowd hung around and cheered. This storyline bored me so I'm going over it quickly. In a weird he-must-be-promoting something cameo Russel Simmons throws a party and wants to hire Carmen to dj it. Of course it's the same night as Shane's party. She feels guilty for missing Shane's party but it's a huge opportunity. So she spins at Russel's, is distracted and somehow brings Russel Simmons to Shane's skater punk party. It's never explained exactly how she convinced Russel to do this. Done now.

- Dana struggles but eventually wins a big tournament. Lara (or is it Laura?) says Dana is weak and tired and that she's pushing herself too hard. Dana's mother, knowing nothing about the lump and upcoming biopsy, says that Lara (or is Laura?) obviously doesn't know Dana very well. When Dana wins, she runs off the court and kisses Lara a huge kiss. All I could think was that if this had really happened the tv network would have cut away before their lips even got remotely close. Dana wins a sweet ass Mercedes for winning the tournament. The L Word is stepping up the sponsorship deals. "Lesbians: Not just for Subaru anymore."

- Kit is hanging out with Mangus (the manny Angus) and he puts the moves on her. Inexplicably she throws on the breaks. She wants to bang this boy so I don't know, oh wait, that's right. Part of her problem is that he kind of is a boy. Not literally of course but the age difference between them means she is old enough to be his mother. That freaks her out. He's cool with it. He's also cool with the fact that she abandoned her son as a baby and now doesn't like the person he's grown up to be, he's cool with the fact that she "used to be a drunk" and that her career was hot and then fizzled and he's cool with all kinds of other stuff and basically says let's just get it on. Kit then points out that she's going through menopause. He has no response to that and she leaves the room.

- Tina is working with Helena now and Bette is supposed to be all stay at home Mommy. Bette cannot and will not get into that role. When an opportunity to fly to Washington to testify about art and censorship and how the Bush administration is evil Bette doesn't hesitate a moment before accepting. She doesn't even talk to Tina about it even though Tina has her own work commitments. Bette wants Tina to cancel her commitments at the paying job and if she can't well that's ok there is always Mangus. Tina doesn't want Angelica being raised by nannies and babysitters and she thought that Bette agreed. Bette's like yeah I kind of do but I really want to go to Washington. They discuss the powerful democratic woman who's on the committee that Bette will be testifying before. Tina says "the dyke from Massachusetts" and Bette is offended. First off all the woman is married ("And?" Tina says.) and second of all why does everyone assume that powerful women are always lesbians. Um, because they are? (I kid, I kid). Before she leaves Bette makes a point to tell Tina that she's going to miss her twice. Tina ignores her both times.

Bette goes to Washington, testifies and goes off on a tangent about how evil the Bush administration is, how wonderful art is, how evil the Republican committee head is, blah, blah, blah. Use your imagination and you can figure out how this scene went. Of course the most important part was that the powerful Democrat from Massachusetts, Dana Delaney, was impressed and invited Bette to a cocktail party to speak with other politicians who Bette could persuade to support her art funding and all that. Really it was just hopeful foreplay. After the cocktail party Dana Delaney convinces Bette to come back to her house and look at her art collection. Bette does and the flirting is intense immediately (I like Dana Delaney as a lesbian very much, I also like that this character serves scotch instead of wine). Bette flirts back, there is a kiss and Dana Delaney says "come to bed with me." Bette remembers they are both attached and says "What about your husband." The congresswoman and her husband have a mutually beneficial "arrangement." Bette says "Tina and I don't have an arrangement." That didn't stop you from fucking Candace now did it? Bette says she can't sleep with Dana Delaney and excuses herself to the bathroom where she calls Tina and says, and I paraphrase, "The Dyke congresswoman from Massachusetts wants to fuck me really badly and I'd kind of like to fuck her but really I just want you to be jealous and tell me not to. If you do that then I'll happily turn Dana Delaney down and come back to you." Tina does not tell her not to. BetTina shippers all over the internet cry. Bette finds she has a conscious though and regretful turns Dana Delaney down. They both acknowledge that it would have been really good sex and Bette leaves.

Lightning Round
- Alice is still fucking crazy and can find nothing to talk about on the radio if she can't talk about Dana. Bored now with Alice. Next week she sleeps with a "lesbian vampire."

- Helena has the hots for a documentary filmmaker but Tina is pretty sure the filmmaker is dating a man. Helena is not discouraged.

- Carmen is really pissed with the slovenly household habits of Jenny and Moira.

- The opening scenes are getting weirding and weirder. Remember all the flashbacks from last season? They're back and they suck. Now though they are supposedly all connected. At the end of each one the people having sex (they've all ended in sex I think) have names with lines drawn between them like on the big ass chart in Alice's apartment.