Dana's still going to die, Kit is just trying to enjoy some scrawny booty, Bette and Tina have no relationship left, Moira/Max can't even keep her/his fictional parts in his pants, Shane's a ho and I'm craving a bacon sandwich.

- Jenny sometimes calls the character Moira and sometimes Max. Last week at the job interview said character said "I'm a girl" but this week said "He treats me like a real guy not just a girl with something shoved in her pants." So I'm perplexed about what I'm supposed to do here. She/he, Moira/Max is just too cumbersome. I'm think we're crossing the threshold here and from now on I'm just going to go with Max and male pronouns. Everyone clear? Good, let's move on.

During one of Jenny's very bad waitressing shifts the NY editor she's been having career wet dreams over comes into The Planet and says that the publishing house loves Jenny's book and wants to publish it. Only problem is they want to turn her novel into a non-fiction memoir. Shades of James Frey anyone? Jenny says no because the book is fiction even though a lot of the events in it actually happened to her. But when she realizes there is an advance check waiting for her she definitely softens. Not that I blame her but damn, doesn't she watch Oprah? So much celebrating happens at the Sleater-Kinney show at The Planet until Moira Max slinks into the back room with Bille. He's there to get the phone number of the transguy who's going to give him the scoop on hormones, transitioning etc, but ends up with the phone number and with Billie going down on what he's packing. Of course Jenny walks in. This is where Max gives the speech about Billie making him feel like a real boy. I get waiting for Gepetto to walk in but no such luck. Jenny seems to forgive Max for this incident by saying "Don't hide." I'm guessing that means "be a boy but a monogamous boy." She gives Billie a die-you bastard-die look though.

- Mangus has pursued Kit relentlessly and she has given in and enjoyed the good sex. However that's really all she's thinking about at the moment. Mangus however is already in looooove. Kit suggests that there is nothing wrong with him just being her boy toy but Mangus says he's not that kind of guy. Kit relents and they are dating except that their dating is the equivalent of teenagers dating, which is to say lots of sex and making out. When Bette and Tina walk in on them Bette is rightfully perturbed (he is the nanny after all) and appropriatly grossed out by the fact that they had sex in Bette and Tina's bed. Bette made them go change the sheets. Finally, a rational decision made by someone on this show.

- Tina is drifting more and more to the dark side, er I mean exploring her attraction to men. Bette tells her to go ahead and sleep with someone but to understand that she very well may not be there waiting when Tina figures out what it is she wants. This is the extent of anything even remotely interesting with Bette and Tina. This show sucks.

- Helena still has the serious hots for Dylan the documentary film maker but Dylan claims she's straight and that nothing like the hot makeout session they had last week had ever happened to her before and would never happen to her again. But then she comes back to Helena's office and they fuck on the couch. Yay for consistency!

- Shane comes home after her night of whoring and tries to sneak past Carmen, who is not-sleeping on the couch. Carmen is looking very distraught, with mascara tears stains on her cheek, and she asks Shane is she fucked Roseanna Arquette. Shane's non-answer is answer enough. Understandably Carmen is distraught. Shane on the other hand doesn't really seem that sorry and goes off on tangents about how she doesn't understand monogamy but she's willing to try for Carmen. What? Did I miss something? Have y'all not been monogamous for the past six months? Have you been fucking around but giving the audience the impression of monogamy? Writers! Continuity please. For real.

- Dana's mastectomy happens but the cancer has already spread (I told you she was going die, didn't I?). But Lara doesn't know this because despite living in California, which has domestic partnership laws on the books, and despite Dana being rich, Dana and Lara never felt the need to have medical powers of attorney et. al drawn up. So Lara is left out in the cold while Dana's evil parents are in Dana's room. Once in the room they tell Dana that Lara has gone home and that they're now there. Even though a) Dana didn't even tell them about the surgery, Lara had Alice tell them and b) Lara's been there the whole time. I hate evil ass straight parents who'd rather their child be alone and sad in the hospital than comforted by the person they love. But positivity comes in the most unlikely of places as Alice has a very after school special moment of growing up and tells Dana's parents that they have to respect that Lara is Dana's partner. Lara and Alice go into Dana's room and Dana is very happy to see them both. I'm very pleased that Alice isn't a stalker anymore. Let this be a lesson to you if you're thinking about getting involved with your best friend. Don't. One of you will get cancer and die and the other will become a stalker.