The L Word Season 3 Week 9

Yes, I was absent with any sort of recap last week. Yes, I expect you to forgive me. A server change, day job stress and serious work on a new project (more on that later) kept my L Word thoughts alone inside my head.

Let's get things started with answering the question that keeps bringing all the search engine traffic (l word + dana + die): Yes Dana is so going to die. Man I'd be impressed as hell if they pulled a fast one on me and she actually lives but that ain't happening. So if that was all you wanted to know, now you have your answer.

- Kit, making like some wonderful couples I know, says she won't get married until everyone can get married. This disappoints Angus cause he really wants to marry her but it also makes him love her more. So he'll be pretty content if she just agrees to live together.

The only other important Kit moment from the whole episode was Kit telling Max that she thinks he's making a mistake by getting sexual reassignment surgery (SRS). Kit says be the most butch butch woman ever if you don't want to but don't give up the most precious thing in world, which is being a woman.

- Since I unfortunately brought Max up (stupid brain) I guess we'll get to his part now. Obsessed with but unable to afford SRS Max and Jenny take his doctor's advice and throw a benefit party to help pay for top surgery. The theme is an 80s prom (which was funny since B and I are planning a big 80s themed party for the spring but we were inspired by Veronica Mar's Total Eclipse of the Heart dance. Damn, I'm on some tangents tonight). There's much talk of high school, proms and Max continuing his new habit of being a complete and total ass to Jenny. I can't believe I'm about to defend Jenny, but even if she doesn't say or do exactly the right things in terms of Max and his sex change her heart is in the right place and she's trying to help him and be there for him. He's just an ass.

The party is a pretty big success (I mean it has to be since Alice brought cupcakes that look like breasts) and Max the bastard rakes in something like $3700. Great right? No. He's very pissed and says it "won't even pay for one tit." He berates Jenny for not having her "rich friends" give more money. He says Helena could have paid for his whole surgery with the money she probably pisses away every day. He's a full of entitlement little shit isn't he? Jenny is horrified by his behavior and he tells her that she just doesn't understand. She concurs that no she doesn't understand. She asks him who he's going to be when he gets his new body, the sweet kind person she met back in Illinois or the monster he has become.

- Helena has been set up by Dylan. I don't know if the whole attraction was a setup or if the plan came later after seeing how easy it was to reel Helena in. Essentially Dylan and her boyfriend have set up a sexual play situation where Helena looks like she's demanding sex from Dylan in return for working on Dylan's film project. In reality the two are just playing some very slight dominate sexual games. With the "visual evidence" in hand, Dylan then sues Helena for sexual harassment.

- Bette and Tina are still so over. Bette is actually up in the mountains at a mostly silent Buddhist retreat. Last week they laid the scenes for the inevitable custody battle that is brewing by having the social worker (remember the one who hates Bette and Tina?) show up and notice that things aren't good between Bette and Tina. The social work said she'd just been meeting with a lovely gay couple that has a perfectly happy and stable home (guess she doesn't hate gay people, just Bette) and it's obvious that Bette and Tina are not a happy gay couple and doesn't Tina want to back out of the second parent adoption.

While Bette is at the retreat Tina is screwing some man she just met. Apparently when Tina became straight again it flipped the switch in her brain that makes her want to sleep with every man she meets. This man isn't even very attractive. And he's divorced with a kid. So while their respective children are sleeping (in Bette and Tina's house) they're going at it. Interesting fact, apparently when you turn straight you're no longer interested in receiving oral sex. Disturbing.

- I was wrong when I predicted that Carmen's family was going to figure out the true nature of Shane and Carmen's relationship. Instead Carmen announces it at the dinner table because her mother keeps trying to set Shane up with men. Best I can tell everyone in the family except Mom and Abuela already knew. Mom blows a gasket and throws Carmen and Shane out. Shane is very pissed because she doesn't want to lose Carmen's family. Carmen wants Shane to take her side. Shane seems like a lost puppy at this point. I hate to say it but cheating on Carmen with RoQuette was the only Shane-like behavior that's been exhibited this year. Another lesson for us all, commitment equals loss of personality.

- Dana, hell what's the point of even talking about Dana since we all know she's going to die. Alright, you twisted my arm, I'll tell you. She's digging hanging out with Alice (since she ran Lara off) and looking forward to being a color commentator for televised tennis matches. She's feeling pretty good and optimistic. Then, while Alice is on a date, Dana takes a turn for the worse and gets quite sick. She calls Alice to take her to the hospital. I asked the Magic Eight Ball and the Magic Eight Ball said "Outlook Good" for Dana to die next week.

Ready or not we're rapidly approaching the end of The L Word season 3. Only three episodes remain. I'm glad, now I can finally get back to watching Grey's Anatomy on Sunday nights like the non-Showtime having, soap opera watching rest of the world.