One Week from Today is July 27

The depression took a heavy toll. I wasn't out shooting as much and I completely neglected Exposure and Consuming Indy, two projects that I really do love and was very excited about. I looked at it all of it with a "what's the point?" attitude that I deeply regret now. It sucks that I spent most of the spring and summer being whiny and depressed but I guess it's what I needed.

It's better now, I'm better now. I came to the realization that knowing at 29 what you'd really like to do professionally isn't so horrible. By figuring it out at 28 and seriously working on it while 29 I've been in the real world long enough to know that the chances of making a living as an art or nature photographer are about 6 million to one. The chances of landing on the pages of Rolling Stone (a magazine I have issues with but one that totally gets and supports great photography) or National Geographic are also 6 million to one. I know that to make a living as a photographer portrait work, commercial and editorial work and hopefully a dash of photojournalism work will have to be my anchors. I know that art and documentary photography, which I love deeply and passionately, are going to be driving and inspiring forces for me but they won't pay my bills. If I'd fallen in love with photography at 22 and then realized at 27, 28, 29 that I was never going to be a photography star, that kid and dog portraits and engagement pictures and product shots were always going to be the bread and butter then I think I'd have been even more depressed than I've been this year. I think if I'd started pursuing photography professionally back then I wouldn't have had a realistic attitude about it and that would have hindered my development as a photographer and as a happy human being.

So as of a few weeks ago I've mostly worked through my turning 30 depression, my summer ennui and my general "I'm not doing anything cause it's not worth it" attitude. I am recommitted to my professional work and my purely passion projects and Exposure and Consuming Indy are about to come back to life in serious full on forcefulness.

And when I decided that things are good and it's time to suck it up and get back to the business of making pictures, making art, writing? Things got even better. Last week I received an email from a photographer whose work I admire immensely. He's a photojournalist who spent several recent years documenting life in Iraq and has dedicated himself to photojournalism with a focus on humanitarian goals. His email didn't overly praise my photography. He didn't say it was great or anything like that. What he did say was "Your work is very honest and direct. I hope you keep at it." Those two lines are very, very powerful. I'm so glad that I received them after I'd kind of worked through my issues regarding coming to photography later in life (jesus 28 is later in life?) and not having achieved successful professional status yet. This photographer's encouragement didn't lead me to pick the camera back up or start again with the hard work of writing proposals, approaching people about the documentary project I'm desperate to do, to start writing again for Exposure and Consuming Indy. What his encouragement did though was tell me "yeah, you're doing the right thing. It's really ok you found this great love when you did. You found it baby, that's enough, it's more than enough. It's about the process and the work and you'd doing that now. It's good, keep working, keep passionate and it's just going to get even better."

Bring it on 30. I'm so ready to kick ass with you.