Recently in communication Category
I've been asked to be on a panel at SXSW and I really want to say yes. I've never been able to afford going before but being on a panel makes registration much more affordable (um it's free). I have 3 main concerns.
1) I don't have a hotel room and the rumor is that decent hotels are already long gone. Decent meaning close enough to the festivities to not have to get a rental car.
2. Hotel rooms in Austin for SXSW seem very pricey. Add rental car to that plus air fare and you've got a pretty big amount for a trip. We can afford it, I just want to make sure that the experience is going to be worth it. Attending the conference by itself may not be worth it (I'm not sure) but participating on a panel would be a very good, very big deal for me.
3. Don't tell anyone but I'm really afraid of flying. I'm already working on mentally gearing myself up for the flight to Seattle in May. Can I be mentally prepared by March to fly to Austin? The Magic Eight Ball is uncertain.
So help me deal with these issues so I can say yes and we can all have a very good time together in Austin in the spring.
I had a bisexual friend once who said that the gay community shouldn't give her shit for any hetero privilege she got when dating guys because even when she did get that privilege she was not being recognized for who she was. She was being perceived as straight end of story no matter how she identified or defined herself. It pissed her off because she strongly felt that it was her right to define herself however she wanted and no one should be able to take that from her. I'm thinking of this story in light of some posts and comments I've read about the recently ended BlogHer Conference.
I didn't attend the conference so I can't speak about the conference itself but I've seen the reviews and criticisms so I can talk about those. I want to talk a bit about two general schools of criticism that have come out since the event ended. Both because I find the criticism and the criticism of the criticisms fascinating but also because the conference is moving to Chicago next year and that's a trip I can afford to make so I'm thinking of attending. If I attend a conference next year (SXSW and BlogHer are the two on my radar) I want to both get something out of the conference and give something as well. Either as a panelist, a well engaged audience member or a documentarian of the event and its culture. The getting and giving are important to me and I think it should be a goal of every conference participant.
The first main area of criticism relates to the, at least perceived by some, under representation and perhaps even disrespect of both lesbians and childless women (straight or lesbian) at BlogHer. Though the conference only had one session specifically relating to mommyblogging and there was a panel that dealt with identity issues some felt (and were quite displeased) that it seemed mommybloggers and mommyblogging was the dominate culture at the conference. With only one panel on mommyblogging this culture had to manifest in other ways. From the sponsors and their target audience to the condom and baby bib that were part of the gift bag conference attendees received small and large things gave credence to the notion that BlogHer 06 was the year of the mommyblogger.
Reading recaps of the BlogHer I was surprised that a conference that is at least peripherally related to technology would find bibs and condoms to be acceptable gifts for attendees. As a lesbian without children a condom and a bib are the last two things I would want or expect to be given at a technology conference. As a human being of any gender or orientation? A condom and a bib are the last two things I would want or expect to be given at a technology conference. Another item in the gift bag was a flash drive. What an excellent gift for a technology conference. Condoms and bibs? Not so much.
The fact that anywhere dare criticize BlogHer for appearing to prioritize or favor straight women with kids bloggers over all others has brought out serious criticism of the criticism. Some of the most loud and most surprising is coming from some lesbian conference attendees. Their criticism amounts to "I don't need to tell everyone I meet that I'm a lesbian and I don't need to count how many lesbians are around me" or "a panel by and for lesbians would bore me to tears" or "lesbians can and do have babies so the bib could be appropriate for them" and even "lesbians might want the condom for their sex toys!" What these criticisms of the criticism seem to be really saying is that "I had a great time at BlogHer and if you didn't too bad." If you wanted to see and recognize more diversity in the content and attendance then you're too focused on identity and self-definition. If you're offended by a condom and a bib you're far too sensitive and take yourself way too seriously. If, as a typically under represented, minority woman you wanted or needed help finding, communicating and networking with women that share your minority status and who view that minority status (whether it be in color, sexual orientation, age, religion, etc) as an important part of their identity then you focus far too much on what makes you different instead of what makes you like others. If you really had to talk about lesbian issues then you should have started a birds of a feather session. In short, it's your fault. It's your fault for not participating more in the planning stages. It's your fault for needing more than the conference provided. It's your fault for being too needy or not aggressive enough to start your own session. It's your fault for not having a good time or getting everything you wanted out of the conference. It's your fault.
I agree with the "it's your fault" on some level. As I said before I think every conference attendee should be looking to get something from and give something to the conference. So if you felt that lesbian or elder or minority religious or childless issues needed more attention then it's a safe bet that there were others feeling that way as well. A birds of a feather session started by you may have been just the thing to make their BlogHer experience mind blowing and life changing. But to the rest of the issues said outright or implied in this line of criticism of the criticism I cry foul. If being a lesbian isn't a major part of your identity so be it but that doesn't give you the right of way to disregard other women for whom it is. Just because I'm childless doesn't give me right or cause to say "I wish all these mommybloggers would shut the hell about about their spawn. Does it really have to be so much of their identity?" I know a women whose only self-definition is that she is the mother of two children she adores. She has no accomplishments of her own that she's proud of, no ambitions other than raising her children, no interests that don't at least indirectly relate to her kids. I admit that I cannot understand how she can be happy with her idea of self being wrapped up in two other people but it's her life and her right to self-definition. I don't get to shit on it just because it's something I don't understand or something that I would never want for myself.
Attending a blogging conference doesn't make you responsible for anyone else's experience at the event. If you're just there to attend panels and mingle with friends you already know then more power to you. But that doesn't give you the moral high ground in criticizing people who were looking for more. It's not your responsibility to think "could I make this a better conference experience for someone else" or "could I step out of my comfort zone a bit to meet someone new or help someone have a better time or learn more or build community" but it'd sure be nice if you did. Again, you don't have to but don't shit on people who wish there were women at the conference who had thought those things and followed through with actions.
The second area of criticism pertains to attendees who just didn't get the conference at all. It actually goes hand in hand with the people saying "being a lesbian is not a major part of my identity" except in this case people are saying that about being a woman. "I'm a woman who blogs not a woman blogger." The sentiments in this school of criticism range from "I went because I was a presenter but I won't go back again just to attend because I don't see the benefit of it" to "I've never felt discriminated against as a woman so I don't think there is a need for all this networking or supporting other women. Duh, to say that I should hire or support someone because they are a woman is just stupid." And I swear someone actually said that women have already won all of the battles so what on earth could there be left to fight for. I wouldn't call these thoughts true criticisms of BlogHer because they are instead more of an indictment of feminism than this specific conference. And these things certainly can't in any way be considered constructive criticism because they in no way seek to make BlogHer a better event.
With few exceptions I haven't seen much criticism of this stream of criticism and that is disappointing. I'd like to see lots of the women who have jumped on lesbians complaining and trying to rain on the BlogHer parade also speak in response to these critics. I'd like to see attendees point out the sheer rudeness and condescension of accepting a speaking engagement at a conference you don't support and whose mission you think is clearly unnecessary and perhaps even stupid. That mission by the way is "to create opportunities for women bloggers to pursue exposure, education, and community." If you think the conference is pointless what must you think of the women who paid money and traveled to come to it?
I'd like to see attendees vigorously point out the benefits they get from the conference and BlogHer resources. I'd like to see attendees and supporters talk about why networking, communication and community building is important to them. I'd like someone to scream Kevin Spacey's line from The Usual Suspects where he says "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." If you're convinced sexism is no longer a problem, or specifically that sexism isn't a problem in the tech sector then bully for you. I'm very happy that you've never directly experienced sexism, you're lucky. But lots and lots and lots of women have. I've witnessed far more of it in corporate America than I'd ever even want to know about. It's there, it's real, it has a negative impact on all of us.
I've enjoyed reading the criticism and the criticism of the criticism. It's help me think about, define and pinpoint if and why I want to attend BlogHer and why or why not I support the conference. This post isn't about me though. Really all it's about is my belief that people who tear down other's works without giving support and trying to make the works better are mean and I wish they would instead be constructive and helpful. That extends to people who tear down people brave enough to openly criticize but with a view toward making things better. If you're speaking about someone else's life, experience or feelings I just don't see how saying "you're wrong, I'm right, my experience was wonderful and special so shut up about it" can possibly help anyone. It's because I've become too much of a pansy I know but being helpful to others, being part of communities and trying to do good for others in that community have all become very important to me. It's seems that BlogHer is trying to do all of those things. If they stumble, if they falter, I hope that people are there to point out the failures but also the strengths. I hope that people are there to try to make things better for everyone who wants to participate. In short I hope that community building, constructive criticism and a desire to help others overtakes the desire to flat out slam, put down or snarkily criticize both in regards to BlogHer and in other areas of our life. Hippie pipe dream? Maybe. But I like it, I embrace it, I claim it as my own.
