I've learned a lot about myself and my project during the grant application process so I thought I'd write about a few tips/things I've learned because they might help another artist/writer struggling with the grant process.

1. Everyone has a first time.
No one comes out of the womb knowing how to write a grant proposal or application. The first few times you do it you're just going to have to muddle your way through it until you figure out what you're doing. You can ask people for help and they might give you good advice but it's still going to be you muddling through it. Don't let the fact that you don't know exactly what to do or you don't know exactly what the review committee wants to discourage. If you've made the commitment to apply for the grant then follow through. Even if you think your application doesn't have a chance of being accepted do the work to get the application completed. Having your first one done is going to make the second one much easier to complete.

2. It's a learning experience
I guarantee that you'll learn some things about yourself and your project during the process of writing the application. I learned about some of my insecurity triggers, learned that the vision I had for my project needed to be seriously tweaked, and that my work samples needed to be much stronger. Those were hard lessons to learn but I'm glad I learned them and I think they made my grant application stronger.

3. Writing is Easy
That's bullshit right? Yes but also no. While working on my grant application I found Scott Berkun's Writing Hacks Part 1. The first line is "Writing is easy, it's quality that's hard." True enough Scott, true enough. He goes on to say

Writing is easy, it's quality that's hard. Any idiot who knows 5 words can write a sentence (e.g. "Dufus big much Scott is"). It might be grammarless, broken, or inaccurate but it is writing. This means that when people can't start they're imagining the precision of the end, all polished and brilliant, a vision that makes the ugly clumsy junkyard that all beginnings are, impossible to accept. Good voice, tone, rhythm, ideas and grammar are essential to good writing, but they're never introduced all at once. I promise you, the first draft of Strunk and White didn't follow Strunk and White. The secret, if you can't start, is to begin without constraints. Deliberately write badly, but write.

For this reason writer's block is a sham. Anyone who wrote yesterday can write today, it's just a question of if they can do it to their own satisfaction. It's not the fear of writing that blocks people, it's its fear of not writing well; something quite different. Certainly every writer has moments of paralysis, but the way out is to properly frame what's going on, and writer's block, as commonly misunderstood, is a red herring.

Those two paragraphs really, really resonated with me and helped me conquer the much dreaded "description of activities" section of my grant application that had had me paralyzed. I had stared at blank page after blank page. I had started and deleted paragraphs time and again. I had been unable to move forward because I couldn't get the first paragraph right. Berkun's words were a kick in the pants that let me write the "shitty first draft" and move on.

So I very much encourage you to accept that ever single thing you write needs a shitty first draft before it can be any good, including your grant applications or proposals. Don't try to hit it out of the park with the first swing. Just get a draft down on paper. 98% of it will probably suck but there will nuggets of good work in there that you'll be on with each successive draft.

4. Most of Us Won't Get the Grant But It's Worth Trying Anyway
I don't think I'm going to get the grant I applied for. My work samples were still a bit too work and my project not honed tightly enough toward the organization giving the grant. I don't regret any of the time I spent on the application though. I learned from the experience, sharpened some "writing about myself" skills, made necessary tweaks to my project and got my name and work in front of the review committee. These are all really positive developments.

I pound extra-firm tofu
1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 cloves chopped garlic
1 chopped onion
1 teaspoon curry powder
10oz fresh spinach
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 can diced tomatoes with green peppers partially drained

- Drain and press tofu, crumble into small pieces. We typically put the tofu in the fridge to press the night before we plan to make this dish
- Heat oil in skillet over medium heat, add garlic and onion. Cook for a few minutes until onion is soft and the garlic smell starts permeating the kitchen
- Add curry powder, stir well, add tofu
- Cover and cook for 3 minutes until tofu is mostly heated through
- Add spinach, stir to combine it well with the other ingredients
- When spinach has wilted add salt, pepper and tomatoes
- Stir well and cook 2-3 minutes

Notes:
- Add as much or as little liquid from tomatoes depending on how thick or thin you want this dish to be. I don't put very much liquid because I don't want it to be soupy
- You can add more or less curry powder based on your preferences. I find 1 teaspoon to be ample for both flavor and heat because of the peppers added with the tomatoes

Makes 4-6 servings

Serve with a big salad

Nutritional information varies depending on the specific tofu you use but a rough estimate is 4-6 Weight Watchers points per serving. We use a light tofu that is really wonderful but I can't remember the brand name right now. I'll add it to this recipe later. Update: The tofu we use is Nasoya brand.

I was quite sick on Thursday, the drive down to Louisville about did me in, so I'm not sure if it was the illness or plain nervousness that made me so nauseous while we were writing the offer. As we sat filling out pages and pages of paperwork I grew very nervous and fearful of the whole buying process, but now I'm just disappointed. Part of that disappointment is simple anxiety over our apartment lease ending in about 6 weeks and us not having anywhere to live after that. Part of it is that we've been looking for weeks and this was the first house that we'd even considered actually purchasing. I keep reading that now is such a great time to be in the market to buy a house but it's not turning out to be our experience at all. Part of the problem is that Louisville is such a great town that comparatively speaking there are very few houses on the market and they maintain resale value very well.

"Music to Slash Your Wrist To" is being put together by my aunt Ellen and myself via email today. We only have the first two tracks thus far so I'll come back and add others as we get them.

Music to Slash Your Wrist To
1. Chicago by Ryan Adams, Ellen
2. Wild Horses by The Rolling Stones, Michelle
3. Romeo and Juliet by the Indigo Girls (live Mountain Stage version), Ellen
4. Two Star by Everything But The Girl, Michelle
5. Black by Pearl Jam, Ellen
6. Brick by Ben Folds Five, M
7. Brag by the Cutting Crew, E
8. New Favorite by Alison Krauss and Union Station, M
9. February by Dar Williams, E
10. Grace by Jeff Buckley, M
11. Wasted Time by The Eagles *With the orchestral "Wasted Time Reprise" that preceeds it, E
12. Half a World Away by REM, M
13. Sane by Nate Borofsky, E
14. Do What You Have To Do by Sarah McLachlan, M
15. Walk Away by the Indigo Girls, E
16. Colorblind Counting Crows, M
17. November Rain by Guns and Roses (full 8 minute version), E
18. In the Gloaming by The Story, M
19. I Will Never Be the Same by Melissa Etheridge
20. Silver Dagger by Dolly Parton, M

I've added a lot of music to my collection in the past four years so I can definitely think of some additions and changes.

Novel Reflections on the American Dream considers 20th-century authors and the novels that illuminate society's inequities, limitations, and heartbreaks.

Basically it looks at versions of the classic American Dream as it's depicted in great 20th century novels with considerable amounts of backstory thrown in including the novelists' own defining experiences as related to writing their great works. It should be on everyone's viewing list. Check your local PBS station for show times.

Finding a house in our price range, that suits our needs, in the neighborhood we want to live in is even more difficult than I expected it to be, and I didn't expect it to be easy. Our lease ends in less than 2 months and we've currently no place to live after that.

His answer could very well have been true and accurate but it certainly didn't inspire any confidence in Sony televisions. Or Sony television salesmen. It wasn't the fact that he didn't have a specific answer to give me, it was more the fact that he didn't seem interested in finding a plausible answer. Perhaps that's because he knew I wasn't going to buy today and he didn't want to waste his time with just a browser.

As a freelancer or someone who runs an independent business customer service is one thing that always has the potential to set you apart from the bigger firms, well known competitors or just the generic "other guy." I have clients that I did work for two years ago that still send me emails occasionally asking for my advice or help. Most of the time it's a question I can answer in five minutes and I do. Not because I'm going to bill them for the time it takes to answer their question, not because I think it's going to make them hire me for something else right away. I do it because it's another step in building a relationship with that client. It makes them think of me not as a business entity who is out to get more and more money from them but as a person who has their interests in mind and is willing and able to help them. It's these relationships that make them hire me repeatedly or recommend me to their friends and colleagues.

There have been several situations where I didn't know the answer to a client's question and I've had to be honest and admit that fact. But always when I did so I made sure they knew I was eager to research and learn about the problem so I could give them a useful, productive answer or solution to their question or problem. No one has ever backed out of a project because I didn't know the answer to a question. In fact clients have seem to find my honesty refreshing. Your client knows that you don't have the answer to every question and pretending that you do just makes them doubt you. Translation? You're probably not as good at bullshitting as you think you are.

If you really can convince them that you know the answer to everything then more power to you. But if you can't then it's your job to convince them that you can find the answer, learn the technique, or find an alternate method to accomplish the same goal. You can't possibly know every answer but you can always find a solution. That creative thinking, quick on your feet action is one of your key assets as a small business person or independent contractor. Your clients hire you because they have confidence in you the person, not just your listed or implied skill set. There are five or fifty people out there with the same skills listed on their resume. Making yourself stand out as person of character dedicated to client service will grow your business and your business relationships. It's those relationships that are going to make your bottom line grow over the long term.

So yeah, um, consider this your spoiler warning.

- Marina the predatory lesbian is coming back for a couple episodes. Rumor has it she's going to screw up Crazy Jenny's love life. Again.
- Carmen will possibly be on for a few episodes but not long term.
- Cybil Shephard is going to appear as a middle aged straight woman who starts questioning her sexuality with Alice.
- A new character named Papi will be a "very hot Latina" who competes with Shane in lots of areas.
- Marlee Matlin joins the cast as a love interest for Bette.

Can you guess which spoilers caused physical injury to me and which one made me happy?

Season 4 premiers Sunday January 7. Check out a promo.

In addition to Season 4 The L Word creators have something else up there sleeve. It seems web 2.0 fever has struck them and they're starting a lesbian social networking site called Ourchart.com.

Like hugely popular social networking sites, such as My Space, Facebook and Bebo, OurChart.com will facilitate connections of all kinds, but is aimed directly at gay women, as well as their friends and family. Although there are many lesbian-centered Web sites, discussion groups, classified listings and news outlets, there has never been an online social space that is strategically and conceptually aligned with a franchise phenomenon like "The L Word."

Um, ok.

Tags: The L Word, Showtime, Marlee Matlin is the spoiler that makes me happy, social networking, lesbians, ourchart.com

As a SXSW newbie I've been advised to just take in the experience and not try to do to much. I'm not very good at that. I've always got a goal or a plan or an angle I'm working and this time is no different. As part of a long term documentary photography project I'm working on I'd like to do some quick interactive shooting with a variety of people from different backgrounds, ages and opinions. SXSW seems like a pretty good place to find such a group of people. Not only such a group of people but a group of people that are typically pretty open to new media and new art experiences and projects.

Basically I'd like to have people give a very brief (ten words or less) written response to a specific fill in the blank question. They'd write this response in big letters on a large piece of paper. I'd then quickly photograph them holding their response. They sign a release (the project may be published) and then they'd be on their merry way. Should take less than 5 minutes per person on average.

SXSW veterans please tell me if there is a good spot outside the convention center to set up such a project. Some place that will see a fair amount of foot traffic but won't impede people getting where they need to go. Some place where I won't get in trouble for setting up. Also please tell me if you'd be willing to participate in my little project.

I'm really excited about the long term project but I also think that doing this component of it at SXSW will be a lot of fun and a great way to meet people. Agree?

Tags: photography, sxsw, sxswi

This trial and error method works for people as well. Don't always stick to the kind of people you know you're going to like or that you're going to have a lot in common with. There are too many people and too many kinds of people to not test the waters and see whats at that. Some people will definitely not suit you but some people will that you never imagined and your life will be richer for getting to know them.

1) I don't have a hotel room and the rumor is that decent hotels are already long gone. Decent meaning close enough to the festivities to not have to get a rental car.

2. Hotel rooms in Austin for SXSW seem very pricey. Add rental car to that plus air fare and you've got a pretty big amount for a trip. We can afford it, I just want to make sure that the experience is going to be worth it. Attending the conference by itself may not be worth it (I'm not sure) but participating on a panel would be a very good, very big deal for me.

3. Don't tell anyone but I'm really afraid of flying. I'm already working on mentally gearing myself up for the flight to Seattle in May. Can I be mentally prepared by March to fly to Austin? The Magic Eight Ball is uncertain.

So help me deal with these issues so I can say yes and we can all have a very good time together in Austin in the spring.

This year the charity we've chosen isn't local but it's very near and dear to my heart. The Elephant Sanctuary in Hohenwald, Tennessee, is the nation's largest natural-habitat refuge developed specifically to meet the needs of endangered elephants. It is designed specifically for old, sick or needy elephants who have been retired from zoos and circuses. The sanctuary has 2700 acres of land. It's this large size that actually allows the elephants to live like elephants. They don't perform, they aren't forced into small, uncomfortable pens or displays. They don't have to do much of anything besides things they would normally be doing in a natural elephant habitat (eating, lots and lots of walking, playing, socializing with other elephants, etc).

So I encourage you to spend a little of your holiday dollars on The Elephant Sanctuary. You can send a direct contribution or you can choose an elephant to feed for a day or you can buy much needed supplies off their wishlist.

From the sanctuary's website

The Elephant Sanctuary exists for two reasons:

To provide a haven for old, sick or needy elephants in a setting of green pastures, old-growth forests, spring-fed ponds and a heated barn for cold winter nights.

To provide education about the crisis facing these social, sensitive, passionately intense, playful, complex, exceedingly intelligent and endangered creatures.

Elephants have been my favorite animals for as long as I can remember. They are magical to me. It broke my heart to read this very long NY Times article called An Elephant Crackup? It details the remarkably human characteristics elephants have (or perhaps more accurately the elephant characteristics that humans have), and talks about the horrible things humans are doing to elephants and what the elephants are trying to do to survive. It's from that article that I first learned about The Elephant Sanctuary. I did a good amount of research on The Elephant Sanctuary and on the plight of elephants in zoos. I know that I'm sounding like a touchy-feeling, namby pansy but I can't help it, I can no longer visit or support zoos that provide absolutely unacceptable habitats for elephants and other large animals. Keeping an animal that roams 30km a day in the wild in a 100x100 feet pen is animal cruelty that I don't want to be a part of. I've long been opposed to circuses for similar reasons but now zoos are on my radar as well.

A few links of interest

Are Zoos Killing Elephants?
Save Elephants in Zoos
The Elephant Protection Project

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Several weeks ago I had an epiphany about my relationship with money. It made me wish I'd learned much more about money, credit, fico scores, interest rates, and other financial topics from my parents and educators before I got out into the real world. I didn't know anything about money and it put me in some financial holes that I'm still digging my way out of. My parents haven't really changed much since I left home so I'm not real confident that they're teaching my sister any more about money than they taught me so it occurred to me that I should try to teach her some basics about money and finance.

I thought that was a really great idea except I couldn't figure out how to actually do it. Should I call her on the phone? Take her out to dinner? Write a dissertation? Eventually it came to me. It's great to want to teach her about money but there are several more areas where I have recent or intimate knowledge that could maybe help her as she becomes an adult, heads toward college, etc. So instead of just giving her some notes on money management I decided I should write some lessons for My Sister As She Turns 17. I'll write the lessons, make then into a book and give them as a gift on her 17th birthday.

Ideally I'd come up with 17 lessons but I don't know if I have that many in me, maybe 10 is more realistic. Ones that I'm definitely writing though include:

1. Credit Cards aren't free money
2. The secret to good buttercream icing (my sister loves to bake as do I)
3. Never buy generic Q-tips
4. The one class a semester rule
5. Why it's good to have your heart broken once