Recently in The Program Category

For the first few days I was on The Program (I refuse to say Weight Watchers all the time) I was hungrier than I thought I would be. Portion control is seriously the name of the game. I ate my normal rice and tomatoes for lunch on my first day but the amount of rice was cut. I never measured it before so I'm not sure how much I was eating but 1/3-1/2 more than what is considered a standard portion size of rice is a good guess. By the time dinner rolled around I was insanely hungry. This continued for the first few days. I started eating more of other stuff (fruit, veggies, the usual crap you're supposed to eat) in addition to smaller portions of rice, meat, etc. and I haven't been hungry much since. Occasionally in the morning my corn flakes seem to last not as long as I would like and I get a bit hungry at around 10:30 or 11:00 and I usually eat some raw carrots. I like to put lunch off until at least noon and 12:15 or 12:30 is even better because it helps break up my work day. If I don't get back from lunch until 1:30 there are only 3.5 hours left in the work day! I need psychological tricks and tools to help get through the boredom of my work.

Seriously. My mind is reeling these days with emotional issues old and new, complex and simple, big and small. (I'm writing this because I need to. It may be too much information, too much drama, too much baggage, too full of honest stuff that makes people uncomfortable, too full of evil stepmother cliches for anyone else who may happen to read it. So be it. Sometimes shit's just got to be said). Is there any difference between placing blame on a person and simply recognizing that an issue you have can be traced directly to that person? I wonder.

As strange as it sounds, as a fat woman I've never given much thought to my issues with food and eating. On a very surface level I often joke that my fierce love (some might say addiction) of Coca-Cola goes back to my stepmother depriving me after she married my father even though it had been a semi-regular part of my childhood pre-her. But I've never done any deeper thinking about any potential issues with food and eating I might have until now.